My Quest, My Journey, My 50’s!

It has been awhile since I have put pen to paper or should I say fingers on computer buttons?
This past few months have been to me an internal form of hell.

I have been and still am learning new and not so wonderful things about me and my past.
How come this knowledge is taking place now, when I am 50? Not when I was younger and could change more about me and my surroundings?

My quest for information has led me to re-think about my family and other people who were close to me. I am talking about relatives and other relations.
I am not sure if it is too late to change, most people might disagree? I do know that this phase in my life is making me tired. It seems like my mind is always on 24 hours a day!

A thought that has come up is the way I think of my parents. The idea of my parents being real people is seeping into the perfect bubble I have made for them. My parents did no wrong, maybe just like yours?

Right now I am not ready to tell what is happening to me. It is very personal and yes, it might change your view about me. Hell, it changed my view about myself! I will only say that it is good ( still,I am not double jointed) and no, I did not murder anyone!

All I know is that my head is swimming in a pool of mixed up thoughts and emotions. It is the first time in my life that I am feeling that I am on a real journey of some kind.

Is this what the 50’s are for?

Having to look back on my life and re-evaluate is mind numbing and it makes me unsure. Unsure about me, my life, my friends and anything else. (in-between all this stuff, I am looking for work, ha!)
Don’t get me wrong, finding new things about me is great. I am finally understanding why things happened this way and now my life is finally making more sense.

So, I will walk this path till I get to the bottom of me and truly try to understand what I need too. This way I hope to have a less bumping road ahead! Is this wishful thinking?
Thanks for listening!

Advertisements

About fromrochellespen

I am a content writer, my passion is writing. My background is marketing/communications. I have written a Direct Mailing Postcard for a Real Estate Agent's campaign. Right now, I am volunteering my time at a local University's radio station as their writer and I also volunteer, as a weekly columnist on a website for pet lovers
This entry was posted in My Own Thoughts and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to My Quest, My Journey, My 50’s!

  1. I hear you. I went through some things, that sound like this, in my 50s. It felt like a painful birth, is how I can describe it, one “I” didn’t want to be involved with and resisted moving in to. My monkey mind was nuts. Then it calmed and once again, I relearned that whatever we think is permanent, will change. Don’t know much other than that, but change always seems to be inevitable. As for learning and changing, I’m in my 60s now and continue to learn and yes, change. I mean this sincerely. Paulette

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s